Beautifully Broken

I had been fighting since the point of conception. Always pushing to be first, I made sure I got what I knew was coming to me… and then some. A cheater that hated to be cheated, I never settled for second best, or second, period. My 'me-first' mind set and and constant struggle to be first had poisoned every relationship I had, and I was running. Running from my father-in-law, running from my brother, and running from my past. It felt like every aspect of my life was closing in on me, the events that had built my past were suffocating me, and I was fighting a tidal wave of memories, struggling to keep my head above the water. I had this strange feeling that everything in my life was about to come full-circle, the thought terrified me. Everything that I had then-had in life I had gained dishonestly. I was a supplanter, and a heel-grasper, and I was about to face two of the biggest mistakes in my life: Laban and Esau. I felt that fate was about to take it's course, and I had done nothing to earn any favors from God. Even with two wives, (it's a long story.) two nursemaids, and eleven sons, I felt distant, and unreachable. We came to the brook of Jabbok, it means, 'an emptying out of.' I found the name fitting. I sent my family, animals, and possessions over the brook, but I stayed behind to think. My mind spun in constant circles, stumbling over my troubles and never nearing a solution. I felt my last thread of hope fading. I was jerked from my thoughts as the echo of footsteps echoed along the shoreline. I rose as a man drew near to me. His eyes held a finality, and he felt familiar even though I am sure that I had never seen him before. Without a word uttered we fought. Not verbally like one might imagine. No, we wrestled, long and hard, we wrestled through the night. I was fighting like I had fought every spiritual and physical fight in my life up until that point. I fought with a determination to win and a stubbornness that surpassed all words I refused to submit to the mighty hand of this mysterious stranger. In the past, I had always won, always gotten my way, and ran with it. This time was different. This time I felt as if I was being toyed with. The thought angered me, and I doubled my efforts, pouring my hurt, frustrations, and fear into this battle I was giving all the strength that I had. When dawn broke the man touched my hip, with a power that terrified me to the core. Immediately my hip was disjointed and any power to stand left my body, along with the ability or desire to fight. Falling I caught myself on the man's shoulder, and clung to Him for all I was worth. At that instant as I stood supported by this stranger I knew. This man was no human, this was God. The thought overwhelmed me. This was the God who had tried to reach me time, and time again. This God that I refused to submit to, had come down on my level, and related to me the only way I knew how to relate. To fight. As the sun rose, I stood there leaning completely on Him, clinging to Him. I was terrified to let go. Dawn struck, and He said to me,"Let me go, for it is daybreak." I panicked. I couldn't stand without Him. I couldn't face my trials without Him holding me in His perfect arms. I responded stubbornly,"I will not let you go until you bless me." I gulped. What had I done to deserve a blessing from God? The answer was nothing. Absolutely nothing. At that moment, I wouldn't have blamed Him at all if He had dropped me, walked out of my life, and never looked back. But the God I serve is the God of abounding, unending grace. He responded,"What is your name?" Awe surged through my veins and pounded in my temples. The God who had knit me together in my mother's womb knew who I was, He knew my name. He wasn't being ignorant, He was granting Redemption. Long ago, in what seems like another lifetime I had been asked that question by my dying father, and I had given my older brother's name in order to acquire the family blessing. Tears filled my eyes. I was getting a second chance, a chance to change my answer, a chance to tell the truth. I straightened my shoulders and answered,"Jacob."He said to me,"Your name will no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, because you have fought with God and men and overcome." Then He was gone. Tears sprang from my eyes and rolled down my face. The God of my fathers had known exactly what my heart needed. A blessing wasn't what my heart yearned for. No, my heart longed for a second-chance, a clean-slate, a brand-new start, and that's what my heart got. I was no longer a supplanter. I was a survivor. Was I broken? Yes. Am I broken? Yes, I still don't walk perfectly, but my disjointed hip serves as a reminder of the day that I came face-to-face with God, and not only survived, but thrived. It reminds me of the day I surrendered all, and dropped my walls of defense, the day I let God take control. I am broken, but it’s a Beautiful Broken.

The story of Jacob wrestling with God can be found in the Bible, in Genesis 32.

Whimsical Wednesdays

“IF                                                                     

- I FIND IN MYSELF -  

A desire in which  

*nothing in this world * can satisfy

The most probable explanation is that …

We Were Made for a Different World.”

-      C.S. Lewis

 It is my belief that every human being has at one point felt a longing or a desire for something we are not quite sure of, we become lonesome for something we have never known. In every treasured sunset, every crisp morning, and every starlit evening tends to bring out the melancholic in each soul. It is in this, that our soul recognizes what our minds cannot, our hearts are homesick for heaven. 

 Once we recognize this tendency in each of us, we can live as though heaven is on earth. C.S. Lewis was quoted saying, 

"My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight." Personally, I want this to be my life goal. Every morning I want to live my life in anticipation of Heaven, changing the world for Jesus, and fighting against the very reaches of hell. Today, I beg you to join me in living for the hope ahead, and realizing that we were in fact made for a different world. 

Whimsical Wednesdays

“History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.”

-Winston Churchill

At first glance, this quote may seem to have an air of arrogance, and some may say that Mr. Churchill exhumed far too much confidence, but the truth is that everyone should have a little more of this viewpoint activated in their life. It has been said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Like so many cliches the meaning of this phrase has lost some of it’s power from the disadvantage of repetition, but this is a biblically based idea. After His resurrection and before his ascension, Jesus left his followers with what is known as the Great Commission. “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole Creation.” (Mark 16:15) In this powerful statement Jesus is basically saying, “Be My change to the world.” What we do today will go down in the History books of tomorrow. We are literally writing History with the way we live our lives. So many times I doubt that I have a voice. I doubt that I have the ability to make a difference. I doubt that anything I do now will be remembered in the scope of eternity. Know this, you can never have enough confidence in your ability to change the world. What you do everyday can influence the eternity of lost souls. Remember, that as Christians, we are not in the business of temporal. So today, join me in being the change in our generation for Him.  

Whimsical Wednesdays

“The past is a foreign place, they do things differently there.”

• Unknown

All of humanity shares a common thread of silver that is entwined throughout their lives. Depending on the viewer’s perspective, this thread either binds them up, and prevents progress, or anchors them down to more secure, safer, and simpler times. There are those who cling to this thread as if it were their very lifeline, while others spend their lifetime attempting to cut it with the knife of resentment. Some look upon this thread, their eyes filled with a thousand regrets, the sorrows of a yesterday reflecting in today through the glimmer in their eyes. Yet there are those who look upon it with a wistful sigh, longing for the whimsical happenings of a yesterday in a different lifetime, a yesterday they  will never grasp again. This thread of silver has been known to be haunting. It’s intricate weave can remind you of events better left forgotten. It holds the power to pressure the future to live up to it. It can influence the lens in which you view the world to make your decisions. It is the past. There are two major people groups in dealing with the past. There are those who have been scarred. They reject their past completely, and spend their lifetime hiding from it, petrified that their scars will be cut open, and that the past will breathe again. Others run to it. They embrace it everyday and go over every detail religiously, terrified that if they miss even a moment the past will remain dead forever, and that they will be left with nothing but an empty present, and a foreboding tomorrow. Both of these perspectives are flawed. If you allow your past to dictate ANYTHING that you do, it has ceased to become your past and has become your present, and tomorrow it will be your future. The past should not pressure you, determine, you, or define you. It should simply be exactly what it it, “the past.” I struggle with the past, at times I wish for it to live again, to breathe again, to simply be again. The other day, I read something that was oh so true in my life, and it helped me approach my view of the past correctly. “It is OK to miss something without wanting it back.” I realized that I needed to balance my love for the past, with the joy I found in the present, a quote that personally speaks to me is, “Don’t look back, you’re not  going that way.” This idea is also found in scripture. Philippians 3:13 states, “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it on my own, but one thing I do; Forgetting what is behind and straining forward to what is ahead.” Our past mistakes do not define us, learn from them and move on. The happy times of the past should be treasured, but not lived in place of the present. File them away as cherished memories in the filing cabinet of your mind, and remember the ever encouraging C.S. Lewis quote, “There are far better things ahead than what we leave behind.”Keep tomorrow in mind but not at expense of the moment. Embrace the next new thing that is coming into life. Join me today in forgetting the old and pressing on towards what is ahead and waiting!

What my Mother Gave me

My name is Riley Rose Henderson, I will be a Senior in the fall, and recently I have been contemplating the question, "What defines me? What do I aspire to be?" It is my belief that every soul has to answer this question in order to know what their purpose is. In the shadows of my mind, I have created a list of thing things that I hope define me, the things that I aspire to be. I want a faith to move mountains, to love everyone with a God kind of love. I want to posses a work ethic, and an incredible ability to forgive, the ability to sacrifice my needs for the needs of others, and a kindness that extends beyond the normal. These are the qualities that I want engraved on the tablet of my heart, but where does my desire to posses these come from? I now know something, that I did not fully realize until now. My parents posses these qualities. They have these standards for themselves, and they live their lives with this moral integrity. Both of my parent's are the sweetest loveliest, and most real people I know, but since it is Mother's Day, I would like to focus on thanking my mother on this practically perfect day. 

After my parent's brought me home from the hospital, my mom chose to give up her career, and stay home with me. She gave up her job, to raise me. I can't imagine that it was easy, but she poured all of her love and effort into caring for and caring for my brother and I. Recently my brother and I had the opportunity to attend a private school, (shout out to Liberty Christian!) and in order to do so, my mom would have to go back to work. She not only got one, but two teaching jobs, at two different schools. She had no other reason than to do it for us, for me. She continues to put herself last everyday, and goes to work with a smile. My mother gave me the gift of sacrifice. 
For as long as I can remember my parent's have taken me to church, helped me memorize scripture, and prayed with me.  My mom has done family devotions with us around the dinner table, and prayed for me daily. My mother has given me the gift of faith. 
In this life, everyone has been wronged, and everyone has wronged. It is one of the unfortunate results of the fallen world we live in. I have seen my mother do wrong. I have seen her tearfully repent to God, and I have seen her humble herself and apologize, and ask for forgiveness. I have seen my mom wronged. (sometimes by me.) I have seen her forgive without being asked. I have seen her carry on as though it never happened. Her power to forgive amazes me. My mother gave me the gift of forgiveness and repentance.
From the time that I was in Kindergarten, until this past year, my mom has home schooled me. She taught me my ABC's  and Algebra, and Physics, and she gave me the love that I have for writing. My mother gave me the gift of learning. 
These examples barely scratch the surface of what my mom has done for me, or the love that she shows me on a daily basis. The things that she has given me could never be completely listed, she has given me my love for quotes, my adoration for black and white TV shows, and my love of sitcoms. All of these are my traits that my mother has passed on to me. I am grateful for all that she has done to make my life what it is. I want to thank her for instilling in me the traits that I hope to one day fully posses. I want to thank her for choosing me over herself countless times, and most of all, I want to thank her for leading me to the Savior that I adore. Thank you mom. 
My name is Riley Rose Henderson, and I have realized, that not only do my God, and my parent's define me, they are what I aspire to be. This is my goal, even if it takes me the rest of my life to achieve. Happy Mother's Day Mom! You are literally the best mom in the world! 

Whimsical Wednesdays

“Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

• William Shakespeare

Music makes everything better. Even the most monotonous task seems to fly by with the perfect playlist to listen to. Music promotes a certain joy and inspiration in the souls that it touches. Music, like so many other things in life is a choice. You have to choose to listen to it. So to with the music of life. One has to choose to appreciate the chirping of birds as they tilt their heads towards the heavens and let the melodies procure from their mouth. One must decide to pay mind to the crisp foggy October mornings when the aroma of burning leaves permeates the air. This is the soundtrack of our lives, that we have to choose to focus on, this is the recipe of dancing through dilemmas, twirling through trials, and remaining carefree despite the circumstances. I like to think that every life is a song, and that we have the power to choose the genre based on the way we live our lives. There are two kinds of people, those who choose to hear the music that God gives us, and those who don’t. Often the people who choose to focus on, and live by the music find joy, and they seem to dance through life, while those who have chosen to ignore the music can only stare in wonder at those who dance through dilemmas, deaf to the music that makes it possible.  As the great poet William Shakespeare said in his quote above, “Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” I ask you today to join me in focusing on the music of life, staying positive through predicaments, finding strength dance through dilemmas, and stay carefree during foreboding circumstances. Let’s make the song called our life, a hit that is heard through the ages, and remembered far after we are gone. Keep listening to the music, keep dancing!